What Is Stealthing?

It can be a difficult topic. But understanding consent, sexual health and your options can help you make decisions about what to do next.

What Is Stealthing?

Stealthing generally means deliberately removing a condom, deliberately damaging it, or deliberately continuing sexual activity without the agreed condom, without the other person's consent.

For example, two people agree to have sex with a condom. During sex, one person secretly removes the condom and continues without telling the other person.

That is different from a condom accidentally breaking or slipping off.

If a condom breaks or comes off accidentally, the important thing is to stop, tell the other person, and decide together whether to continue and whether medical advice is needed.

Consent is not a blanket "yes"

Consent can have conditions.

Someone can agree to sex only if a condom is used.

They can also agree to one sexual activity without agreeing to another.

Agreeing to sex with a condom does not automatically mean agreeing to sex without one.

New Zealand's Crimes Act recognises circumstances in which a person does not consent to sexual activity, including where they allow an act because they are mistaken about its nature and quality. Sexual violation also requires the sexual connection to occur without consent and without reasonable grounds for believing the person consented.

Is Stealthing a Crime in New Zealand?

Non-consensual condom removal can amount to sexual offending in New Zealand.

New Zealand law does not create a separate offence called "stealthing". Instead, the conduct may fall within existing sexual-offence laws, depending on the circumstances and evidence.

New Zealand courts have also dealt with cases involving deliberate condom removal. In one case involving a sex worker and client, a man was convicted of rape after removing a condom during sex when condom use had been agreed.

This means the legal question is not simply whether a condom was removed.

The circumstances matter, including:

• What sexual activity was agreed to.

• Whether condom use was a condition of that agreement.

• Whether the condom was deliberately removed or damaged.

• What the person knew or believed about the other person's consent.

• What happened after the condom was removed.

• What evidence is available.

You do not need to work out the legal label yourself.

If something happened to you and you're unsure whether it was a crime, you can describe what happened in your own words to a healthcare professional, support service, lawyer or Police. They can help explain your options.

Being a sex worker does not remove your right to consent

Being paid for sex does not mean agreeing to every sexual act.

A sex worker can set conditions for a booking, including:

• condom use

• particular sexual activities

• activities they do not want to do

• when sexual activity starts or stops.

A client agreeing to those conditions does not give them permission to ignore them later.

The same principle applies outside sex work.

Whether you're a sex worker, client, partner, hookup or someone in a long-term relationship, consent still matters.

It Can Happen to Anyone

Stealthing and other forms of sexual harm can happen to people of different genders, sexual orientations, ages and relationship types.

It can happen to:

• men

• women

• non-binary and gender-diverse people

• sex workers

• clients

• people having casual sex

• people in long-term relationships

• gay, straight, bisexual and queer people.

What you were wearing, whether you were drinking, whether you were having sex for money, or whether you had previously agreed to sex does not give another person automatic permission to ignore your boundaries.

Your consent belongs to you.

If This Happened to You: What to Do Next

You do not have to make every decision immediately.

There are several things you can consider, depending on what happened, how long ago it happened and what you want to do.

1. Get Somewhere Safe

If you are still with the person involved and you do not feel safe, move somewhere safer if you can.

If you are in immediate danger, call 111.

You do not have to confront the person or explain yourself before getting somewhere safe.

2. Get Medical Advice as Soon as You Can

If the incident happened recently, consider seeing a healthcare professional as soon as possible.

You can contact:

• a sexual health clinic

• a sexual harm assessment and treatment service

• your GP

• an urgent care clinic

• a hospital emergency department.

A healthcare professional can assess injuries, discuss STI and HIV testing, and consider whether medicines or other treatment may be appropriate.

You do not have to report to Police before getting medical care.

HIV Protection: PEP

PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis)

PEP is medication that can reduce the chance of HIV infection after a possible exposure.

PEP needs to be started as soon as possible after a potential HIV exposure and no later than 72 hours afterwards.

If you're inside the 72-hour window, don't wait until the next day if you can get medical advice now.

Tell the healthcare professional that you may have been exposed to HIV and ask whether PEP is appropriate.

PEP is different from PrEP.

PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis)

PrEP is HIV prevention medication taken before potential exposure.

PrEP does not replace PEP after an exposure has already happened.

If you want ongoing HIV protection in the future, talk to a healthcare professional about whether PrEP is appropriate for you.

STI Protection: DoxyPEP

DoxyPEP (Doxycycline Post-Exposure Prophylaxis)

DoxyPEP is doxycycline taken after sex to reduce the risk of some bacterial STIs.

Current Aotearoa New Zealand guidance indicates that DoxyPEP can reduce the risk of syphilis and chlamydia in appropriate people. It is generally most effective when started as soon as possible and must be started within 72 hours of the relevant exposure.

However:

• DoxyPEP does not protect against HIV.

• In Aotearoa New Zealand, DoxyPEP should not be relied on to prevent gonorrhoea, because the bacteria that cause gonorrhoea commonly have resistance to doxycycline.

• DoxyPEP is not suitable for everyone.

Do not use someone else's doxycycline or leftover antibiotics.

Talk to a sexual health professional or doctor about whether DoxyPEP is appropriate for you.

Pregnancy Prevention

If pregnancy is possible and you are concerned about it, ask about emergency contraception as soon as possible.

In New Zealand, emergency contraception options include the emergency contraceptive pill and a copper IUD. The emergency contraceptive pill works best when taken as soon as possible, while a copper IUD can be used within five days and is the most effective emergency contraception option.

A healthcare professional can help you decide which option is appropriate.

STI and Other Health Checks

A healthcare professional can also assess whether you need:

• STI testing

• HIV testing

• hepatitis testing

• vaccinations, including hepatitis B where appropriate

• treatment for injuries

• follow-up testing.

What tests or treatment you need will depend on what happened, when it happened and your individual circumstances.

You Don't Have to Decide Everything Today

You might feel angry, confused, embarrassed, numb, frightened or unsure about what happened.

You might know exactly what you want to do.

You might not know yet.

All of those reactions are possible.

You can get medical care without immediately deciding whether you want to report to Police.

You can talk to a support service without making a formal complaint.

You can ask questions before deciding what you want to do.

Health New Zealand states that you can contact Police for advice and information about your options without having to make a formal complaint straight away.

If You Think You May Want to Report Later

If you think you might report what happened, you may want to keep information that could help establish what happened.

Depending on the situation, this could include:

• text messages

• dating-app conversations

• emails

• booking information

• payment records

• messages about condom use

• information about when and where the encounter happened

• photographs or other relevant material.

If clothing, condoms or other physical evidence may be relevant, avoid throwing them away or washing them if you can.

But do not delay urgent medical care just to preserve evidence.

A sexual-harm service or Police can explain what information or evidence may be useful.

You Don't Have to Prove It Yourself

You don't have to arrive at a support service knowing exactly what legal offence occurred.

You don't have to describe what happened using legal language.

You can simply say:

"We agreed to use a condom, but the condom was removed without my permission."

From there, a healthcare professional, support worker, lawyer or Police officer can help explain your options.

Talk to Someone Who Can Help

You do not have to deal with this alone.

Safe to Talk

Safe to Talk provides free, confidential, 24/7 support for people affected by sexual harm.

• Call: 0800 044 334

• Text: 4334

You can contact Safe to Talk for information and support even if you're not sure what you want to do next.

ACC Sensitive Claims (Funded Therapy & Support)

In Aotearoa New Zealand, if you have experienced sexual harm or assault, including stealthing. You can access fully funded mental health support and therapy through ACC Sensitive Claims.

• No Police Report Required: You do not need to report the incident to the Police to make a claim.

• No Direct Cost: ACC covers the cost of sessions with registered counsellors, psychologists, or psychotherapists.

• Direct Access: You can contact an ACC-registered Sensitive Claims provider directly without needing a referral from a GP, though your GP can also help initiate the process.

You can search for registered therapists through the Find a Support Provider tool on the ACC website or ask Safe to Talk to connect you with a provider.

HELP

HELP provides confidential support and crisis services for people affected by sexual harm.

Services vary by region.

If you are in Auckland, HELP's crisis line is: 0800 623 1700.

HELP also provides services in other parts of New Zealand.

Tautoko Tāne

If you're a man who has experienced sexual harm, Tautoko Tāne supports male survivors through a national network of services.

You can find your regional support service through Tautoko Tāne.

Tika

Tika provides a free legal service for adults in New Zealand who have experienced sexual harm.

Tika allows people to register and receive information about legal options, with its model also designed to identify potential patterns where multiple people report harm by the same person.

Tika launches nationally on 24 September 2026.

Tika is a legal service rather than a crisis service, so if you need immediate safety or crisis support, contact an appropriate emergency or support service first.

If You're a Sex Worker

If you are a sex worker and someone removed a condom without your agreement, you are still entitled to set conditions around the sexual activity you provide.

Being paid does not mean:

"Anything goes."

You can agree to some sexual activities and refuse others.

You can require a condom.

You can stop.

You can change your mind.

And if someone deliberately ignores those conditions, you can seek medical, emotional and legal support.

If You're a Client

The same rules apply to clients.

If a sex worker tells you that a condom must be used, that condition matters.

Do not remove it.

Do not deliberately damage it.

Do not continue without it after being told not to.

If a condom breaks or comes off accidentally, stop and tell the other person.

Consent is about what both people have agreed to, not what one person secretly decides to do.

Remember

• Consent can have conditions.

• Condom use can be one of those conditions.

• Being a sex worker does not remove your right to consent.

• Being a client does not remove your responsibility to respect consent.

• A condom breaking accidentally is different from deliberately removing one.

• You can seek medical care without immediately reporting to Police.

• You do not have to make every decision today.

And if something happened to you:

It is okay to ask for help.

Legal Information

This article provides general information about New Zealand law. It is not legal advice.

Whether particular conduct amounts to a criminal offence depends on the circumstances and evidence. If you are concerned about something that happened to you, a lawyer, sexual-harm service or Police can explain your options.

Medical Information

This article provides general health information and does not replace advice from a qualified healthcare professional.

PEP, DoxyPEP, emergency contraception, STI testing and other medical treatments are not appropriate for everyone. A healthcare professional can assess your individual circumstances.

MSWI.net does not endorse or guarantee any particular healthcare provider, prescription, treatment or service.

If you are in immediate danger, call 111.

For confidential sexual-harm support, contact Safe to Talk on 0800 044 334 or text 4334.

For more straightforward guides on sexual health, safety tools and your rights, visit MSWI.net.