Orgies: you don’t have to earn your place with sex

I’ve been to sex parties that gave me stories,

laughter and

actual friendships.

I’ve also noticed how easily being wanted can

become confused with

belonging.

Group sex is an adult activity some people enjoy

and others don’t.

Either way,

you shouldn’t have to leave your boundaries at the door.

Attending doesn’t mean you have to participate.

Find out what kind of event it is before you go:

who it’s for,

what the rules are and

who to speak to if something feels wrong.

Once you’re there,

ask before joining an interaction or watching closely.

Someone’s agreement with another person doesn’t include you.

If they decline, accept it.

If they freeze,

pull away or seem uncomfortable,

stop and check in.

Don’t keep asking until someone agrees.

Talk about protection and limits before sexual activity starts.

Have condoms and suitable lube available,

take breaks, and stop if something hurts or you want to stop.

PrEP helps prevent HIV, but it does not prevent other STIs.

Testing, condoms and other prevention options still matter.

Testing: https://www.burnettfoundation.org.nz/get/get-a-test/

A person’s appearance tells you nothing reliable about their STI status,

and a positive result isn’t a judgement on their character.

I used to rely on substances to feel more confident in these rooms.

Looking back,

I want more room to notice when I need a break or want to leave.

If someone is too intoxicated to understand what’s happening or

make a free and informed choice,

don’t engage in sexual activity with them.

If you’re unsure whether someone can consent, stop.

Don’t mix poppers with erectile-dysfunction medicines such as Viagra or Cialis.

The combination can cause dangerously low blood pressure.

Poppers information: https://thelevel.org.nz/drug-information/poppers

Plan a safe way home and seek urgent help if someone is seriously unwell.

Keep phones and cameras away

unless everyone who could be recorded has

explicitly agreed to being filmed or photographed.

Agree separately before sharing any images or recordings.

Hosts should make expectations clear,

provide space for breaks and

act on pushy behaviour.

MSWI: https://mswi.net/male-worker-space

Safe to Talk: https://www.safetotalk.nz/

You can enjoy sex, decline it or leave early.

Being welcome should never depend on making your body available.

Woulf