Kinky: curiosity without the shame

Kink was one of the things I learnt to feel ashamed of.

Growing up, there seemed to be an acceptable version of me already written:

be good,

follow the rules and

keep the uncomfortable parts hidden.

Exploring my sexuality as an adult,

and later wearing a pup mask,

gave me room to express things I’d spent years holding back.

That’s my experience.

You don’t need a mask,

a public persona or an explanation of your childhood to explore what interests you.

Kink can include particular sensations,

clothing,

role-play or

agreed power dynamics.

People mean different things by it.

For me, scent and the mask are part of the picture;

someone else’s interests might look nothing like mine.

Being curious doesn’t commit you to an activity,

and liking one thing doesn’t mean liking everything.

There’s no exam for being kinky enough.

Before trying something together,

talk about what each person wants,

what’s off limits and how you’ll pause or stop.

A mask or submissive role doesn’t speak for the person wearing it.

Agreed words or signals can help,

but never wait for a special word if someone appears distressed or unable to respond.

Stop and check in.

Consent continues to matter throughout;

agreeing earlier doesn’t remove anyone’s choice now.

I’ve written about taking risks,

including sex in public places.

Those stories aren’t a safety guide.

Other people haven’t agreed to become an audience,

and someone’s belongings aren’t yours to touch because they fit a fetish.

Choose a genuinely private setting where others won’t be unwillingly involved,

and ask permission before involving anyone else or touching their belongings.

Learn about the risks of the specific activity before trying it,

rather than assuming enthusiasm or experience makes it safe.

My own exploration has helped me feel more like myself.

I also want room to change my mind,

keep things private and say something isn’t for me.

You deserve that room too.

Burnett Foundation introduction to kink:
https://www.burnettfoundation.org.nz/articles/sex/spilling-the-tea-on-kink/

MSWI worker information:
https://mswi.net/male-worker-space